A client had been featured in a magazine, photo shoot and all. He sent it to his family. "It's supposed to feel like joy," he told me. "It's supposed to feel elation, accomplishment. Doesn't feel that way." He had a name for it: destination disease. I'll be happy when.
The accomplishment mattered to him. He was also noticing that it hadn't brought the feeling he had expected.
I had expected success to make me happy, too. I was finally having all the success I always thought I wanted, and my body was getting worse, not better.
I had wanted success, and I had also wanted it to settle something about my worth. I hoped that doing enough would finally let me feel enough. Those hopes can get tangled together.
In The Performance Trap, I describe a contract that says worth is something you earn, not something you have. When an accomplishment has to answer that question too, the relief can be brief. There is soon something else to prove.
With this client, I asked what happened in his body as we talked about the emptiness. His throat. His posture. "Don't change it," I said. "I feel a little hunched over," he said. We stayed with what he could feel.
You may care deeply about what you are building or pursuing. We can take that seriously while noticing what else is at stake. What happens when something goes well? What happens when it doesn't? What do you find yourself doing next?