Performing for Connection
Most of us walk into a conversation believing we have to earn our place in it. Say something special. Be interesting enough, sharp enough, warm enough that the other person decides we're…
Writing
Stories and reflections from my life and work.
A few places to begin
Why Do I Understand My Patterns but Still React the Same Way?
A client said something in a session that I keep coming back to.
When Your Self-Worth Depends on Being Productive
A client told me about a walk they tried to take.
Can You Stay Ambitious Without Making Success Your Measure of Worth?
The question often comes as a worry, sometimes out loud and sometimes underneath everything else a client says: If I stop proving myself, will I lose my drive?
Don't Relax It: What Chronic Body Tension Is Protecting
There's a place in your body that's holding right now. You don't have to look hard. The jaw, the throat, the chest, the belly. Somewhere in there, something is gripped.
The Cascade and the Seat at the Table
A client told me about something a colleague mentioned in passing that week. A competing company was doing really well, and a number of people who used to work for my client had gone there.…
Why Rest Feels Dangerous
A client had taken some time off work. For a while it was fine. Then the questions started up again. What am I going to do next? Is this going to be good enough? Should I move? Should I…
What Your Inner Critic Is Actually Protecting
For years my inner critic ran one question on a loop: am I a man or a mooch? My grandfather had a word for it. A schnorrer is Yiddish for a mooch, and in our family, we were doers, not…
The Cost of Being Fine
When I was seventeen, my brother took his life. I was sent back to college with, in effect, you got this. So I learned fine. I got so good at it that it stopped feeling like a skill and…
The Body Keeps the Contract
The day I finished what I thought was the final draft of my book, I got on a Zoom call with a friend in marketing. I kept saying yes. And the whole time, underneath the agreeing, my body…
The Ache Underneath the Achievement
A client had been featured in a magazine, photo shoot and all. He sent it to his family. "It's supposed to feel like joy," he told me. "It's supposed to feel elation, accomplishment.…
The Sacredness of Burnout: Drawing Wisdom from Philoctetes
In the world of Greek tales, there's Philoctetes—destined to be a hero in the Trojan War with his powerful bow and arrows. But life threw him a curveball: a snakebite that wouldn't heal.…