Jonathan's world had been tumultuous for a while, an emotional tempest that had been churned up when his partner, Lacy, decided to relocate from the tranquil Midwest to join him in the bustling city of San Francisco. This was a significant life event that shook the calm waters of their relationship, causing a storm of change to surge around them.
Lacy's adjustment to this drastic change wasn't smooth. The bright lights and bustling streets of the city were a stark contrast to her former quiet Midwestern life. The unfamiliarity of a new city, the challenges of a new job, and the raw wound from the loss of her beloved grandmother conspired to stir up emotions within her, affecting their relationship. Lacy's coping mechanisms in the face of these challenges stood in stark contrast to Jonathan's. She reacted, she lashed out, while Jonathan, a believer in the power of open dialogue, felt drained and left questioning their decision to live together.
In the midst of this emotional maelstrom, Jonathan found solace in a guiding principle of Buddhist psychology - 'bare attention.' The practice of 'bare attention' isn’t complicated or elaborate; it's about observing thoughts and feelings as they occur, right at the very moment, without any judgments or interpretations. You're just watching the events unfold without getting tangled up in them. This practice can help create a sense of calm and clarity, even when dealing with difficult situations or emotions.
It's like being a surfer, carefully watching the ever-changing waves, studying their movements, understanding their patterns, and learning to navigate them without fear. 'Bare attention' isn't about trying to cling onto experiences that make Jonathan feel good or pushing away ones that cause discomfort. The practice asks him to accept things as they are, just like a surfer who doesn't control the waves but adapts to their rhythm and flow. The sea of his emotions is no different. When he reacts to the waves, it's just a part of his journey. With time and practice, these reactions quiet down, allowing him to observe his emotions and thoughts in their purest and simplest form.
‘Bare attention' wasn't demanding him to change. It wasn't asking him to manipulate his feelings, repress his reactions, or alter the dynamics of his relationship with Lacy. It was a call to become an observer. A surfer doesn't dominate the sea; instead, he respects its power, understands its ebb and flow, and adjusts his actions to ride the waves.
Being a life-long surfer, Jonathan immediately took to the concept of ‘bare attention.’ This shift in perspective brought along a transformative realization for Jonathan. Blaming himself, Lacy, or the circumstances they found themselves in was not the solution, and in fact, it was this blame game that was contributing to his suffering. The path to relief lay in understanding and accepting that he, with all his imperfections and struggles, had inherent value, just like anyone else.
Imagine Jonathan now as a skilled surfer, fearlessly riding the fluctuating waves of his thoughts and feelings. These waves, much like his emotions, varied in their intensity and strength. They were in perpetual motion, sometimes rising high, other times falling low. Yet, just as a surfer doesn't control the waves but learns to ride them, Jonathan found himself learning to adapt to his emotional landscape without attempting to control or suppress it.
This was not about passive acceptance or resignation; it was about an active, engaged observation of his inner world. The practice of 'bare attention' didn't change the nature of the waves; it was transforming the surfer himself. It was a guiding compass helping Jonathan navigate the rough currents of his emotions, guiding him towards resilience and wisdom, without the unrealistic burden of striving for perfection or having all the answers.
With the passage of time, Jonathan found himself not only navigating the ebbs and flows of his own emotions but also contending with the difficulties presented by his complex relationship with Lacy. The highs and lows of their relationship mirrored the unpredictability of the ocean he loved. Lacy's tendencies to either ignore their issues or to express herself through passive-aggressive behavior added another layer of turbulence to their dynamic. It was not unlike a surfer who must acknowledge and respect the sheer power of the sea, anticipating its shifts and learning to move with them rather than against them.
Just as he was learning to meet his own emotions with compassion and understanding, he endeavored to do the same with Lacy, even when her actions made it difficult. Through this journey of personal and relational introspection, Jonathan found his resilience and wisdom. Their conflicts and resolutions, moments of disconnect and unity, all became part of his learning to ride the waves of life, and the challenges of love, with grace. He was no longer at the mercy of the storm but was learning to navigate it with balance and dignity, despite the choppy waters of their relationship.
In essence, 'bare attention' was serving as a transformative tool for Jonathan. As he continued his practice, he was beginning to notice a change in his approach to life's challenges, not just with Lacy but in all aspects. He was no longer merely surviving the storm, he was learning to surf it. The waves, the storm, the emotional highs and lows were all a part of life. And now, with 'bare attention' as his guide, he was ready to ride them all, with grace, resilience, and a newfound wisdom.
Meditation Practice: Experiencing 'Bare Attention'
Now that we've discussed the theory behind 'bare attention,' it's time to experience it for ourselves. I've prepared a simple meditation exercise that you can follow along to get a firsthand understanding of 'bare attention.'
To start the practice, just click on the link below. This guided meditation will lead you through the process, step-by-step, helping you cultivate 'bare attention' in your daily life.