I’m very good at looking like I have it together
Fifteen minutes into a podcast, I told the host I was nervous. The anxiety stayed, and we kept talking.
Writing
Stories and reflections on the performance trap and the mind-body connection, from my life and work.
Begin here
It’s still hard for me to ask
I was sitting with some hard news. Melissa was in the next room. Asking her to hold me was the difficult part.
My father thinks the book is selfish
Two dinners with my father, a disagreement about my book, and how we stayed at the table.
Recent writing
Why Do I Feel Guilty After Saying No?
A son offers his mother a full day and still feels he has failed her. What can guilt reveal when another yes cannot fix the hurt beneath it?
Why Can’t I Stop Replaying a Conversation Where I Felt Misunderstood?
After a difficult pitch, a client spends the weekend questioning what she said. The conversation points to a deeper need to understand and be understood.
Why Do I Feel Empty When My Life Looks Fine?
A client has a good job, financial security and friendships, yet feels an unfilled longing. What happens when achievement cannot answer a need for closeness?
Why Do I Feel Responsible for Everyone Else’s Feelings?
When caring becomes a way to earn belonging, even a delayed reply can feel risky. A client’s experience shows how to notice what is at stake before deciding what to offer.
All writing
Why Do I Feel Responsible for Everyone Else’s Feelings?
When caring becomes a way to earn belonging, even a delayed reply can feel risky. A client’s experience shows how to notice what is at stake before deciding what to offer.
Why Do I Feel Guilty After Saying No?
A son offers his mother a full day and still feels he has failed her. What can guilt reveal when another yes cannot fix the hurt beneath it?
Why Do I Feel Empty When My Life Looks Fine?
A client has a good job, financial security and friendships, yet feels an unfilled longing. What happens when achievement cannot answer a need for closeness?
Why Can’t I Stop Replaying a Conversation Where I Felt Misunderstood?
After a difficult pitch, a client spends the weekend questioning what she said. The conversation points to a deeper need to understand and be understood.
My wife, Melissa, was invisible to me
My book came out. I kept chasing the finish line. This is what happened during launch week.
Performing for Connection
Why conversation can feel like an audition, and what curiosity changes.
Why Do I Understand My Patterns but Still React the Same Way?
Why can you understand a pattern and still repeat it? Chad Herst explores reactions in the body and offers a brief practice for noticing the first signal.
When Your Self-Worth Depends on Being Productive
When unfinished work becomes a verdict about your worth, stopping can feel difficult. Chad Herst explores productivity pressure and offers an embodied practice.
Can You Stay Ambitious Without Making Success Your Measure of Worth?
Can you stay ambitious without making success your measure of worth? Chad Herst explores drive, fear and a practice for separating a goal from its pressure.
The epilogue I can’t change
My cousin asked whether I could relax after the launch. My answer brought me back to being fourteen.
My grandfather taught me how to win
He was my best friend when I was being bullied. He taught me what had worked for him.
My father thinks the book is selfish
Two dinners with my father, a disagreement about my book, and how we stayed at the table.