Meta-View

My wife, Melissa, friend, Peter, and I were on Mt. Tam early this morning having a great conversation. Nature has a funny way of giving you a fresh perspective. At one point, we were discussing the notion of lifetimes. While we all agreed that the idea of having many lifetimes was hard to rationally accept, we all liked it as a lens to see our lives differently from.

To get the paradigm of lifetimes, consider the time it took the Buddha to attain enlightenment. According to Buddhist scripture, it took the same amount of time it takes for a bird to wear away at a mountain six miles long, six miles wide, and six miles high. This bird flies over the mountain once every hundred years with a silk scarf in its beak brushing the tip of the mountain with it. The amount of time it takes for the scarf to wear away at the mountain is how long it took the Buddha in lifetimes to attain enlightenment.

Peter and Melissa had an interesting perspective on lifetimes. If we have multiple opportunities to learn from our many lifetimes, then we can really of give ourselves a break and not take each experience as if we NEED to overcome it, achieve it, or transcend it. In other words, if you and I live multiple lifetimes, we need not be so hard on ourselves. After all, what’s the rush?

I, personally, would give myself much more of a break. That’s not something I am particularly skilled at. One thing I am in the early, early learning of is to both take it easy on myself and, in addition, to be sweet to myself. I suppose that this kindness that I am learning also need not happen overnight. Who knows, maybe in several thousand lifetimes, I will master it.

In coaching, we call this grand view on life a meta-view. We use it to help our clients to see the big picture and what’s really important. Often my clients get so preoccupied with the most minute of particles that they rarely look at the space in which the particles exist. This is what’s at the heart of a coaching conversation. As a coach, I am always encouraging forward movement, but only as long as it is in service to the big picture of my clients life.

In the end, we don’t want to look back on our lives and say, “Boy I did a bunch of stuff.” We want to say, “I did some stuff that meant a lot to me.” And that’s what’s important about being connected to the meta-view. It’s about staying connected to the deeper meaning we’re all looking for in our lives.

Remembering the Basics

  When my clients are down, I notice that they often forget the basics. They’re often searching and searching for the ‘reasons why’ they’re not feeling right. And in the search for ‘why’ they overlook some really basic things that help.

First, it often isn’t the ‘why’ that solves the problem. It can sometimes help to know the root cause of things. If you can do something about the cause, that can be useful. If there are dietary changes that need to be made, then you can make them. If there are apologies that need to me made, you can make them.

A lot of times, though, we cannot do something about the cause of why were down. If, for example, we need to forgive someone, but we just cannot get rid of a grudge, we have to find gentleness, for ourselves and others. This is where the 12-step Serenity Prayer can be useful:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

The main thing that my clients forget to do that ACTUALLY they can do something about is take simple steps to take care. The most important is sleep. We often forget how rejuvenating 6-8 hours of sleep can be. Rest is another form of rejuvenation. Oh yeah, and then there’s that really, really basic thing that we HAVE to do but often forget, eat. Just sitting down and enjoying 2 or 3 nutritious meals a day can be very healing. Oh, yes, then there’s the bit about meditation or prayer. Whatever that is to you, it’s really helpful to connect inward. Whatever form of meditation or prayer that you use, this can often be the most significant source of healing when we’re down.

Then there are things that are just additive:

1. Going to a yoga class can be extremely helpful. Moving the body, stretching, and connecting with group support and the support of a good teacher can help a lot.
2. Getting acupuncture can also be helpful because it increases serotonin and endorphins in the brain. These neurotransmitters are known to boost the mood
3. Spending time with a good friend who can really listen to you can also be extremely healing. You may have a friend who is a great listener, and if you don’t it can be very helpful to hire a professional, like a coach or a psychologist.
4. Herbal medicine and homeopathy are very, very useful mood enhancers. Saint John’s Wort, for example has been shown to be just as effective as SSRI’s but without the side effects. You can find it at an health food store. A good herbalist can help find just the right medicine that is specific for your needs.
5. Connecting with nature is extremely healing. Why that is is a mystery, but it is just a known fact that getting out into nature just FEELS GOOD.

When it really boils down to it, though, good sleep, some relaxation, and solid eating can make a world of difference when we have the blues. Instead of getting lost into trying to figure out why you’re down, when you are, why not just commit to taking care of the basics and see what happens.